


Roll of the Dice

by writingramblr



Category: Terminator Genisys (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, One Shot, Poor Kyle, Sexual Confusion, Sharing a Bed, Spoilers, Time Travel, Unconventional Relationship, i'm not sure there's a tag for when you love someone but you didn't know they were family, non canon bisexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-07 17:47:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4272381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingramblr/pseuds/writingramblr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Too many revelations in one day make Kyle Reese's head hurt.<br/>His world has been turned upside down and inside out, and the punches don't stop coming.<br/>Besides the two pasts he remembers, now he's faced with the truth that he could have had a completely different reality, if only the dice had rolled in his favor.<br/>As it is, he's forced to confront something about himself that he can never reveal to those closest to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Roll of the Dice

**Author's Note:**

> After having rewatched it, I can't be just imagining the sheer amount of sexual tension between John and Kyle in the beginning of the film, right?  
> I almost felt like they made Kyle stare at Sarah's picture to remind you "He loves her, he's straight, we promise!"  
> Well, what if he isn't?  
> What if he loved John too?  
> He had no idea they were related.  
> Hero worship easily turns into something else.  
> So the fact is, I headcanon Kyle as Bi.  
> In this short ficlet, when John dies, Kyle's splintered pasts begin to merge, and the 2017 one is the true one.  
> Which means his conflicted feelings for John will fade, but they cause some serious confusion and pain before they do.  
> the content tags are mainly for the sarah/kyle happenings.

“You hear that Kyle?”

The travesty of a revolting creature that could have once been thought of as his son, though his mind was still bending around that concept, spoke to him. He asked the question and Kyle could only flinch away, and hold his gun steady, keeping it aimed right at John’s chest.

“What?”

John looked at Sarah then back to Kyle, and a shadow of a smile twisted his features,

“That’s the rolling of the dice.”

*

It wounded Kyle deeper than any bullet, and the pain was more than he could bear.

So he played it off.

Pretended to be annoyed at Sarah for not telling him.

But the truth was it was so much worse.

John Connor was his son.

Maybe in another life…

It was impossible to even consider it.

But while the other members of the resistance had thought ‘Prophet’ when they heard John’s name, or saw him speak, Kyle imagined a million other words.

‘Savior, protector, mentor, _friend._ ’

He’d known him for nearly a decade, and in that time, Kyle had learned a simple truth about himself.

Love might have been scarce as hope, but it still existed in the bleak future of humanity.

He’d managed to find both, and cling to them with all his strength.

At first, he’d known nothing else but pain and loss.

Then he’d nearly died, and found something to live for.

He’d grown up with John Connor at his side, defending and guarding him, keeping him safe.

Now he knew why.

During those years he’d thought he was something different, special even.

He was.

But not in the way he thought.

While he’d fallen in love with Sarah, hearing every adoring word about her fall from John’s lips, he’d learned to admire and respect the woman who’d raised his best friend as well.

Loving Sarah was easy, but he’d never yet met her, and only seen her photo.

A crumpled and frayed Polaroid, which according to John didn’t do her justice.

Loving John was harder, and every day he spent with him only made the bond stronger.

Each knowing glance, and every lingering hand patting his back or gripping his shoulder meant something completely different.

How could Kyle blame himself?

He’d never known anything but what he felt and trusted.

It was all wrong now.

John wasn’t John Connor anymore.

He wasn’t someone Kyle could be in love with.

Sarah’s words had chilled him to the bone.

“He’s not humanity’s last hope anymore, he’s Skynet’s.”

In that moment, Kyle felt his heart nearly break.

*

Sarah wasn’t blind.

She wasn’t stupid either.

She knew how the story went.

She’d seen Kyle and instantly pushed him away, physically and mentally and emotionally.

She couldn’t go there.

Didn’t want to allow that possibility.

What’s worse, living without someone you could love as simply as breathing, or living after the person you loved died to protect you?

Sarah wasn’t sure.

Once she and Kyle and Pops had made it to the second safe house, restocked weapons and prepared to go, Kyle had cornered her.

They’d had a mild confrontation on the way to the hospital and then inside, but never mentioned it since.

She almost wondered if he was about to apologize.

Then she realized who she was thinking about.

Of course not.

“So you never thought to tell me about ‘our’ son? Ever thought it might be important for me to know?”

The outrage and betrayal in Kyle’s voice was directed towards her, but she didn’t feel the sting of the words.

She sensed they were directed more internally.

The way his face had changed when he’d first heard John’s voice.

The twitching move towards him once John had entered the room.

After going only hours believing him perhaps dead, or worse, the relief must have been immense.

But it was more than that.

He’d loved him.

How could he not?

Their bond had been something unique.

Yes, it had been wrong of John to lie and hide the truth from Kyle for so long, but it was a necessary evil.

She told him that, and he yelled at her.

She shrugged it off like a fly.

“It’s very simple Kyle. We can’t happen. This, can’t happen. Because what if, no matter what we do, every time John becomes this? What if it _always_ ends this way? I still lose you, because you protect me at all costs, and I can’t let that happen.”

From his speech he’d given before they jumped to 2017, she had gathered how he felt.

When he slammed his fist at the wall above her head, she jumped.

“There’s _no one else._ There never has been. John didn’t have to tell me about you and make me fall in love with you. I did that all on my own.”

She looked up at him, and her nerves were shot, as her hands shook, all she could do was fist them against her sides.

The raw emotion in his eyes, more green than blue, probably thanks to his Irish heritage, was heart breaking.

In that instant, her suspicions were confirmed.

He’d lost more than a son he’d never known that day, he’d lost the potential for something else, and there were years of tainted memories now.

So what if she’d lost him over and over?

He’d had something, which was only an illusion.

“I’m so sorry Kyle. But I can’t. Everyone I love dies.”

His hand grazed the side of her cheek, and she flinched away, eyes closing so she didn’t have to see him pleading with her, and he couldn’t see the tears fall until they’d escaped her grasp.

“Sarah, it’s much too late for me. I already swore I’d die to save you. I told John. That’s why he let me come here in the first place. Besides, the past has changed, the future has changed, and this isn’t over. Don’t shut me out completely. Don’t deny yourself a chance at happiness.”

He dropped his hand from her cheek and she was about to try and think of a way to change his mind, when footsteps sounded, and together they moved as one, guns aloft, and aimed at each direction.

John had found them.

*

“So now what?”

Kyle looked down at Sarah, able to finally see her for what she was, seeing her through his own eyes, without the flickering possibility of a past where he’d known her.

Now it was his past.

He’d never grown up in the desolate wasteland of California.

He’d been happy.

Hadn’t even been rescued in a damp tunnel, inches from death.

With that past and future solidifying, Kyle felt a small sense of peace.

True, the future was not set, and there was still a matter of when exactly John would be born now, and if the world even needed him, and how that came into play, but at least no one else in the resistance had known the horrible truth about their leader.

Sarah sighed heavily, and shrugged a little,

“I think I know what I want. I’m ready to decide.”

Kyle lifted a brow at her, and was about to cross his arms, when she stepped in close, and pulled him down with a firm but gentle hand at his neck, kissing him before he could blink.

Her fingers played with the hairs at the nape of his neck, and he let his arms encircle her, holding her close and slightly possessively.

He’d not been lying or exaggerating when he’d said he’d thought her beautiful, even at age 12 when girls hadn’t even been on his radar.

His true love at the time had been bikes.

If Pops could clear his throat, perhaps he would have.

As it was, Kyle could easily feel when he was being stared at, and he broke the kiss with Sarah quickly and reluctantly.

“That’s really disturbing, you know that?”

Sarah bit her lip and looked about to laugh, as Pops simply continued smiling at them.

“I guess maybe we should hit the road.”

Kyle looked back to her, and though she seemed comfortable in his arms, Pops words came to his mind, from when Sarah had first hugged him goodbye.

‘Why bother if you just have to let go?’

Letting go wouldn’t be for long, but he was right.

Kyle was getting a little spoiled with the amount of joy he was drawing from Sarah admitting she wanted to love him.

Well, perhaps she hadn’t said it in so many words…but he got the sense that she would soon.

*

“Lake Havasu? What’s that?”

Despite the change in his past, or rather, future, Kyle knew of no bodies of water that had existed between Arizona and California, and he’d traveled throughout much of the state and its surroundings on patrols with the resistance.

Sarah smiled at him,

“I’ve read about it. It’s a popular vacation spot, a small island in the middle of this lake separating the two states. Almost like a tiny city. Ideal for us, close enough to Cyberdine to keep an eye on, and remote enough that no one will bother us.”

Kyle shrugged,

“If you’re sure.”

Pops joined in,

“It will be sufficient for us to reside for a period of time.”

Sarah glanced at their Terminator before back to Kyle,

“Well, hopefully we can stay long enough to get a nice tan.”

She bumped her shoulder into Kyle’s side and he felt a strange rising sense of fondness for her.

He was already head over heels gone in love, but it was different, allowing himself to get to know her other sides, not just letting himself be impressed by the kick ass, give no shit Sarah Connor.

It wasn’t until they’d found a spot to stay, and he’d allowed Sarah to talk him into taking a walk along the shore, barefoot, and weaponless, except for a knife in his belt and her hook hatchet in her vest, that he realized how he could get used to it.

“This is…nice.”  


She looked over at him, with a slight breeze whipping through her loose brown hair, he swore his heart stopped.

Of course, he’d seen her naked, and held her in his arms, so it wasn’t just a matter of her beauty and sexual attractiveness.

That went without saying.

But like that?

She was incredibly alluring without effort.

“You can relax soldier. The battle is over.”

Her voice was teasing, and the way she poked her tongue between her teeth confirmed it, but something about her words sent a chill down his spine, and demolished the mood.

The battle had been won, but there was no telling where they stood in the war.

“Kyle.”

Sarah grinned, and played with a long brown wave, twisting it through her fingers,

“Yes, that’s your name.”

“I mean, I’d like to be called that. Not Reese, or soldier. If you don’t mind.”

Instantly, her eyes widened, and he swore she read his mind.

“Oh my god I’m sorry. Have I been doing that and it’s…”

Her hand clapped over her mouth, and Kyle sighed.

“It’s okay. It’s just, I used to be called that all the time. John was the only one who called me Kyle, and I kinda miss it.”

He had sworn to himself he wouldn’t cry single tear over what he never could have known, but seeing the pain in her eyes brought the stinging truth to his own.

He blinked fast and looked away from her, out at the setting sun, hoping it would mask the fact he was as close to a broken mess as the scrap of buildings they’d left behind.

Instead of more words, more apologies which he didn’t want or need, he felt a small warm hand slip inside his, and squeeze gently.

Sarah was at his side, and pressing her forehead against his chest, wordlessly asking for his embrace.

It shouldn’t have been second nature to pull her close, but it was.

Instinctive almost.

He held her as sobs wracked her small frame, and if she’d felt him do the same, she never said a word about it.

They were allowed to mourn the death of their son, even if they didn’t quite understand it all themselves.

*

Perhaps the second nature of it all, the memories that were and weren’t helped it along.

The love that they both shared and simultaneously had fought against for two days yet known and lived and died for decades of time loops was complicated.

But that didn’t stop the kisses and touches from increasing in frequency until Sarah crawled into his bed one night, and he didn’t ask why.

He pulled her close, and tried not to let himself push her into anything.

But he slept in the sheets that were too soft without anything else on.

Luxurious as they were, he almost missed the hard ground and burlap sacks some nights.

He’d broken himself of the habit of sleeping on the floor after a week.

Denying himself simple pleasures would gain him nothing but a sore back.

Within a month of staying at Lake Havasu, both he and Sarah had gotten a healthy shade of golden tan, and he was stunned to note how her beauty increased when her blue eyes were enhanced by simply giving her skin some color.

She’d never worn makeup in her life, and hadn’t really had a care or need for it, and he was glad. She still drew stares when they went into town, and if his possessive hand around hers or arm across her shoulders didn’t work, she told him she kept her smiles in reserve only for certain days.

Never the days they needed to go into town for.

Perhaps it was a habit she’d picked up from Pops.

But every smile, or laugh Kyle considered a hard won treasure.

The night she knocked on his door, and he called out to her to come in, she didn’t bother with an excuse of nightmares.

He knew perfectly well they both still had them, and probably always would.

It was strange though, even as sleep eluded him with her so close, he didn’t mind it at all. He almost wondered if he could just hold her all night, and be rested enough. She was shivering in his arms, but by the touch of her skin, she wasn’t chilled.

He also knew she’d walked in his room in a robe, but shed it before slipping under the covers.

 

“Kyle?”

Her voice was a hushed whisper against the skin of his chest, as her left palm rested over his heart, and her right was under her cheek.

“Yeah?”

He rubbed his arm over her bare back, and attempted to soothe her, to stop the shaking that still continued.

“Is this…all right?”

The light was extremely dim, but he still threw her a glance, and he knew she was looking at him now,

“Of course. Don’t ever ask me that. You can always come find me if you can’t sleep. I’m not a heavy drifter.”

He saw the column of her throat move as she swallowed,

“No, not that, I mean, _this_.”

Her palm suddenly shifted, moving down his chest and closer to his stomach, and he inhaled sharply.

The sensation of her touch was just shy of intense and clearly meant to be exploratory.

“Uh…”  


She froze, and he felt her pulse speeding up under his hand,

“I can stop. I should probably go.”

She was pulling away, sitting up and hugging her arms around herself almost before he could blink.

He snagged her wrist with a hand, and he knew if she really wanted to leave, she’d break his arm for stopping her.

But she didn’t.

Of course she didn’t.

“Stay.”

One word.

Granting her everything.

Sarah leaned back down, and a dark curtain of hair fell over his face, blocking the light, as her body bowed over him and their lips met.

He moved swiftly, pulling her into his arms and shifting them so that he was perched over her.

Surely she could feel his heartbeat thudding in his chest and hear how she made his breath catch?

“Sarah…”

He whispered it into her skin like a prayer when she broke the kiss to nuzzle into his neck.

How he loved her.

He couldn’t even say.

The level of trust she gave him was mind blowing.

Sheets tangled beneath their legs as sleep was a forgotten activity.

Kyle wasn’t sure why he’d put off asking her for more until he realized she had been just as cautious as him.

Sunburn might have been the reason for the heat that radiated off their skin, or it was something else entirely.

All he knew was that she fit perfectly in his arms, and the only question was in the morning, who would be making breakfast.

*

 


End file.
